question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize