It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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