I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
