WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think i have herpe
just one?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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