Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
