I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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