She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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