She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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