Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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