I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
