Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
