My hand turned me down
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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