I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
