i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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