i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
