Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
