My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
