So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
love makes seman taste better
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
