Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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