Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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