i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
