hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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