I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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