the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
