dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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