When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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