Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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