In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
