Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
