oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
