Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
