He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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