Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
