fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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