Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My life is pants optional.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
