We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have fence marks all over my body
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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