First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
