then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
