Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
