So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
