I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
