can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
