Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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