in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
