got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize