I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize