laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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