There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
