i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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