Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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