i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
