I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
