he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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