I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
FUCK WHALES
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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