She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
