I have demons in me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
